Birthday Boy
by Jiia-chan
Summary: Twenty three birthdays, and not one of them good. The story of Phoenix's life, waiting for his new beginning. HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE angst written for the Kinkmeme. Vague suggestions of a wide number of things not meant for the kids.


It's his first birthday. He's in his crib, screaming. His mother lies on the bed four feet away and does nothing.

It's his second birthday. His mother has friends over. He's just learning how to walk and falls, hits his head on the table. She puts him in his room to stop the crying.

It's his third birthday. His father bounces him on his knee and laughs. His mother doesn't talk to him the rest of the day, and he doesn't know why.

It's his fourth birthday. His grandparents brought him to the hospital and the doctor gives him pudding. His father no longer knows who he is.

It's his fifth birthday. He goes looking for his father in the cemetery and only finds a rock with a name on it he can't quite read. A policeman brings him home. For a moment, he thinks his mother is going to hit him. She calls him disgusting and sends him to bed.

It's his sixth birthday. At school, the whole class throws him a party. The other kids laugh at him when he doesn't know how to blow out the candles. He gets upset. His mother has to come pick him up. She doesn't say a word the whole way home.

It's his seventh birthday. His mother doesn't let him go to school. He begs her to let him go. She calls him a selfish, greedy little shit and locks him in his room. He can hear her crying on the other side of the door. He tells her he's sorry, and she lets him out.

It's his eighth birthday. A new boy comes into his class. His friend calls him his birthday present. He laughs a little too loud and makes the boy feel uncomfortable. His friend asks him about his party. He doesn't know what he's supposed to say.

It's his ninth birthday. He sneaks out of the house before his mother wakes up and spends the day by himself. He finds some paper and a pen in the woods and draws everything he sees. He has an intense feeling of peace for the first time in his life. When he gets home, his mother screams at him in front of the neighbours. She calls him a dirty beast.

It's his tenth birthday. He sits across the table from a strange woman, drawing animals in crayon. She tells him they're very good. He rips them up. She writes a note in her little book. She asks him if he likes living with his mother. He tells her he does. She asks him if his mother ever calls him names. He remembers what his mother told him to say, and says no.

It's his eleventh birthday. He comes home from school to find a strange man in the house. His mother shouts at him and tells him to get out. He runs away. His neighbour lets him in and gives him milk and cookies. She lets him watch TV with her son. Her son shows him how to dunk the cookies and tells him about his favourite shows. When he gets home, his mother's already asleep.

It's his twelfth birthday. His new stepfather makes them have a party. He's the only kid there. He gets real presents from most of the adults. His mother makes him play with all of them, even though he's too old for action figures and building blocks. The only gift he likes is a coloring book. He has no crayons. He leaves and goes next door to borrow some. They have moved away.

It's his thirteenth birthday. He wakes up from a wet dream and 'takes care of it' the way his stepfather told him to. He accidently knocks a lamp off his nightstand. His mother comes in and sees him. She calls him a pervert and a filthy pig and tells him he's going to go to hell. She makes him kneel naked on the floor and pray until his erection goes away. His stepfather watches from their bedroom with one hand under the sheets and says nothing.

It's his fourteenth birthday. A girl in his class asks him to a dance. He says yes. When he tells his mother, she calls the girl a little whore and tells him she's just trying to take advantage of him. She calls him perverted and a sex fiend for accepting. The next day, he tells the girl she's a slut and that he knows better than to fall for her sluttish ways. His stepfather picks him up from the principal's office and spends the whole ride home telling him how to get her to suck him off.

It's his fifteenth birthday. His father makes his mother let him sleep over at his friend's house. His friend wakes him up in the middle of the night and shows him the pornography on his father's computer. He tells his friend he's disgusting and tries to shut it off, but his friend calls him a prude and turns it back on. He sits in his sleeping bag trying not to watch. When his friend finally turns it off and goes to sleep, he lays there and cries.

It's his sixteenth birthday. His stepfather makes him pancakes and orange juice. He puts something in it and says it's their secret. It makes him feel strange. His mother wakes up and comes out to eat with them. She opens the alcohol cupboard and frowns. She smells his breath. She calls him a drunk and a thief and a liar. She tells him he's a horrible human being who doesn't deserve the life she gave him. She sends him to his room without his pancakes. Later, his stepfather comes in.

It's his seventeenth birthday. His friend asks him why he doesn't have a girlfriend. He says he doesn't want one. His friend calls him a faggot. He gets more upset that he should. He thinks his friend is going to leave, but he doesn't. He asks him what happened to him instead. He doesn't want to, but he tells him about his stepfather and the lock on the outside of his door. His friend tells him about his uncle. They hug each other and cry.

It's his eighteenth birthday. His stepfather buys him a bottle of scotch. He isn't there to drink it.

It's his nineteenth birthday. Paying his way through art school is harder than he thought. Every once in a while, when he can't pick up enough shifts working at the library, he lets people take him for two hundred dollars an hour. He hates it, but he has no other choice. His stepfather comes through his door. He only does women after that.

It's his twentieth birthday. He's met this amazing girl. She tells him he's wonderful. She tells him she loves him. She calls him 'Feenie' and gives him presents. She doesn't mind that he doesn't want to kiss her. He feels like he loves her more every day.

It's his twenty first birthday. He stares at the half-empty bottle of sleeping pills in his hand. He hates himself more than ever. Everything his mother ever told him was true. Everything else was lies.

It's his twenty second birthday. He doesn't know why, but he goes home. There's nothing left there for him.

It's his twenty third birthday. He walks into the bar exam and doesn't look back.


End file.
